Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
