Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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