I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My pussy is not your playground.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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