Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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