oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
