bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
