doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
