You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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