I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
