I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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