call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
