i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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