false alarm. still invincible.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
