I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
