so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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