i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
