Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
