I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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