When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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