Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
