What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
