Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
