every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
