Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
