oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
