So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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