yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i drank out of a bidet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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