you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
