Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
