guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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