Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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