Someone shit on the floor
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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