My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
