apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
