Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
