i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
