She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
