me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
