My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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