I think my vagina is haunted
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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