a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
