First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
