If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
