when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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