so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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