Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
