If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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