Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
