Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
