Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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